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Monday, July 18, 2016

Purpose

David has been really emphasizing prayer for complete healing for him lately.  I have to confess that my prayers about him have become more "palliative" than for healing. Maybe my faith that God will completely heal him has waned.  Maybe my vision of healing has changed.  Maybe I've come to accept this life to some degree.  Maybe there is some higher reason why God has maintained the "not yet" answer.  Maybe I'm scared of complete healing.  Sounds strange, I know, but I've kind of gotten used to this version of David.

We have been busy as usual, running all over the country.  Within hours of returning to WI from CA in June, my grandmother passed away and so I turned around and flew back with Abi a few days later.  I came back on a red eye flight and got home at 7:30am to find out my caregiver called in sick. We flew around that morning and went to church and then came home to pack up to go to Storybook Lodge that afternoon.  Our oldest daughter is deathly afraid of dogs and has separation anxiety when things are upset in her little world.  My week revolved around calming her wild emotions but we were able to enjoy some excellent teaching, great fellowship, and enjoy God's beautiful creation in Minnesota.


I took several nuggets away from camp that week.  One ties in with my first paragraph.  The women's study leader took up studying some influential women in the Bible. One of them was Hannah.  Hannah went yearly with her husband to offer a sacrifice to the Lord and went before the Lord in her barrenness to plead for a son.  It was not just a child she wanted; she wanted a son of Godly influence on the nation of Israel.  She wanted a son to give back to the Lord for a high purpose.  We were challenged to pray for our children to be influential in God's kingdom.  I don't have boys that will become great preachers or whatever but I have girls that can be strong help meets and I have a husband that has a lot of potential.  May God give me vision to pray for my family.

David is still making little bits of progress.  He was able to climb the steps into the sauna this year at camp, which made him very happy.  Next time, his goal is to get in the lake and swim!   When he walks with me, I don't have to reposition his left left leg every step.  Translation: his left leg isn't crossing over as much.  We were at his parents house about a week ago and his dad crushed a mint leaf under his nose to see if he could smell it. He said he thought he smelled something but he smelled sour.  He smelled though!! He hasn't smelled in a few years! He hasn't really been able to smell anything since but he has a stuffy nose from a cold right now though.  His headaches have returned but we haven't gone to the ER for several months now.  His memory is still poor.  He has had a few episodes where he doesn't remember me at all.  These are sad moments for me but he seems to come back and remember enough to know I'm his wife.  One morning he woke up and thought I was his brother, Nathan!  I asked him, "Do I sound like Nathan??!"  He said, "No. Who are you?"  I couldn't help but laugh that he thought I was Nathan!  He laughed too and we joked about it later.  We have to try to keep it light or it gets too heavy to bear.  He forgets mostly everything from the last few years and months.  He doesn't remember a lot of conversations we have so I get frustrated a lot trying to figure out what puzzle pieces are missing and what connections are working.  His motivation is tanked and seems depressed but has at least gotten to a point where he doesn't want to die anymore.  Pray for motivation, healing and purpose for David and emotional, physical, and spiritual strength for all of us.