David and I watched a movie tonight that many may have seen already or maybe you are not familiar with it. It was "Me Before You": a story of a young woman that becomes a caregiver/companion for a young man who became a quadriplegic after an accident. The young man is deeply depressed and has made plans for assisted suicide. The young woman brightens his life by her exuberant presence and helps him "live a little." She learns of his plan and thinks she can persuade him not to go ahead with it. In the end, her love and the joy she brought into his life is not enough to restrain the desire to end his life because of the hopelessness and crippling pain the young man lives with as a result of crushed dreams and loss of vitality.
I would be lying if I don't have thoughts about if it would have been better if David would have died. Not because I want him gone but because life is so difficult and painful for him. He's so limited and dependent. He himself struggles with thoughts about desiring death rather than life. These are not uncommon thoughts for someone with a chronic illness or condition that makes them feel as if their life has been stolen from them. These are despairing thoughts. Someone in this place can feel entitled to these feelings because of what has happened to them. The tragedy. The loss. The loneliness. The unfairness of it all. It can suck you in to a pit of darkness that tempts one to wallow there. But we are not called to wallow in our sorrow forever.
I asked David what he thought about the movie. He didn't understand the end but when I explained it to him and dug a little deeper, he provided me with some beautiful insight and more hope than I was expecting. I thought maybe he'd even agree with the young man but he didn't. He said, "I have so much to live for. Be content with such things as you have for He Himself said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' I love watching you and the girls. I love parenting with you and being with you. I love watching you smile."
"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us." 2 Corinthians 4:7
We are vessels, broken, so that the power of God and the light of His glorious gospel will shine out of us. He is our hope. Our hope and reason to live another day lies in Christ, the anchor of our souls.
