I had a brother in Christ encourage me to keep writing back in May. He even offered to edit my writing for a book. Incidentally, that's when I stopped writing. I couldn't write. Maybe it was a combination of things but I started to question why I was writing. Was it for me or for God's glory? Was I interested more in people's responses, how many likes I got or was I really writing so that others could see God working on and through our weakness and brokenness?
This summer has been a medley of very difficult moments and amazing adventures. I have trained at least 17 different caregivers in the last 4 months and only 3 are working very limited hours right now. We lost 2 full-time caregivers this summer and have yet to replace them. We've had various issues with the staff that I've trained, ranging from complete no shows to severe short-term memory loss. I spend countless hours training these women and then they don't work out. It has created a lot of stress and anxiety for our household. I've found that the last two weeks, David has been so much less anxious because I have been the primary caregiver for 22-24 hours of the day. Although tiring for me, I actually find myself enjoying taking care of him more when I'm not training in a bunch of unreliable people because his mood and behavior is so much better. Our girls have gotten pretty good at playing quietly in the morning while I'm taking care of David's personal cares. We've developed a fairly smooth routine where I get the girls dressed, drinks in hand so they will color or "read" quietly while I attend to David's needs. It obviously is not perfect. Toddler fights break out over who gets what color of marker or cup, someone stubs a toe, someone decorates the entire wall with non-washable markers, and I'm running back and forth between both parties trying to keep the peace and safety in our home but we make it out alive every day...with possibly a few more grey hairs!
David has hit kind of a plateau with progress. Not much has really changed lately but we are very grateful for an answer to a prayer this summer that we've had for years. We've been pretty lonely and needed friends close-by that understood our life or were at least willing to flex to be a part of it and build us up.
One evening, I decided that we could all go for a walk. I strapped Abi to my back and pushed David in his wheelchair while Jocelyn skipped ahead, gleefully picking wild flowers. We hadn't gone far when a black car slowed as it passed us and then turned around. A tall man about my age got out of the car and walked towards us. He introduced himself as our neighbor a couple houses down. As we talked, we found out he and his wife were Christians. We invited them over for dinner. The man comes early every Thursday morning (at least as often as he can) and loads David up in our van and drives him to a coffee shop where a few other men have a Bible Study. He invites him to be with his friends just like he is just another friend. His wife is also very sweet and will come on walks and fellowship with me. It's such a blessing and such a specific answer to prayer! God hears!
We've gone on a few trips this summer. My whole immediate family got together on the Oregon coast. My sister helped me drive all the way out and my mom helped me drive on the way back. Our little family did amazingly well for how much driving we did. Our girls love traveling and make it pretty exciting! They love to point out all the interesting new things along the way. I love how their excitement is catching. I find myself noticing more of the details and intricate design of God's wonderful creation when I travel with them.
David and I went to a worship conference in Nashville about a week and a half ago. I've never been so encouraged at a conference. I wish I could share all got from that conference. I went there feeling very low and burnt out in my soul and came back feeling like I'd stood under the waterfall of God's refreshment. I'll share a few highlights from my gleanings. Pardon me if it's a little scattered and random.
God isn't interested in healing bodies (although He does care and has compassion). He is interested in healing souls.
A great portion of what we learn and remember about God and the Word are contained in what we sing. So what we sing is of great importance. We should be careful to be teaching our children through song the truth about God, His character, Jesus and His work on the cross. We should teach our children songs of lament so they have songs to sing when they go through trials and suffering, pointing back to Christ. Our songs of praise and glory to God are a witness to the world. When we sing praise to God, we are engaging in spiritual battle. We are declaring God is victorious. Satan cannot stand to see us sing through suffering. In 2 Chronicles 20:21 it says the singers went before the army: "And when he had consulted with the people, he appointed singers unto the LORD, and that should praise the beauty of holiness, as they went out before the army, and to say, Praise the LORD ; for his mercy endureth forever." Our singing of His praise comes even when we don't feel like it because He is worthy. He has already conquered sin and death so we will always have something to praise Him about even in our darkest hours.
Our personal worship comes before corporate worship.
Let the Word of Christ dwell richly in your hearts. If we are not occupying our minds and hearts with Him, how are we going to have any substance with which to worship?
I hope you are encouraged by some of the nuggets I gleaned.
Thank you to those who still think about us and pray for us. We need your prayers. We are so thankful for those that encourage us by notes by email or snail mail. It has been 5 years since David's accident and you are still taking the time to follow our journey and pray for us. Amazing!
