David and I watched a movie tonight that many may have seen already or maybe you are not familiar with it. It was "Me Before You": a story of a young woman that becomes a caregiver/companion for a young man who became a quadriplegic after an accident. The young man is deeply depressed and has made plans for assisted suicide. The young woman brightens his life by her exuberant presence and helps him "live a little." She learns of his plan and thinks she can persuade him not to go ahead with it. In the end, her love and the joy she brought into his life is not enough to restrain the desire to end his life because of the hopelessness and crippling pain the young man lives with as a result of crushed dreams and loss of vitality.
I would be lying if I don't have thoughts about if it would have been better if David would have died. Not because I want him gone but because life is so difficult and painful for him. He's so limited and dependent. He himself struggles with thoughts about desiring death rather than life. These are not uncommon thoughts for someone with a chronic illness or condition that makes them feel as if their life has been stolen from them. These are despairing thoughts. Someone in this place can feel entitled to these feelings because of what has happened to them. The tragedy. The loss. The loneliness. The unfairness of it all. It can suck you in to a pit of darkness that tempts one to wallow there. But we are not called to wallow in our sorrow forever.
I asked David what he thought about the movie. He didn't understand the end but when I explained it to him and dug a little deeper, he provided me with some beautiful insight and more hope than I was expecting. I thought maybe he'd even agree with the young man but he didn't. He said, "I have so much to live for. Be content with such things as you have for He Himself said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' I love watching you and the girls. I love parenting with you and being with you. I love watching you smile."
"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us." 2 Corinthians 4:7
We are vessels, broken, so that the power of God and the light of His glorious gospel will shine out of us. He is our hope. Our hope and reason to live another day lies in Christ, the anchor of our souls.
I don't know that I would have the courage to even watch "Me Without You," if I were in your shoes. So, now I will remember that you are Gideon, that you are light & salt, that you are more than conquerers in Christ. Thank you for your posts. I read them with interest. I would like to say that I read them with humility, but I am told that the moment I say such a thing, humility flies out the window. What I mean is, I come away from your blog a little smaller & more grateful.
ReplyDeleteYour breadth of honesty makes the truth of His word shine more brightly. Thank you for using social media to display Him so clearly Rachel. Though we are broken here we are fully alive in Him. Thats what I see and hear when I read your words. My love and care to you today my fellow traveler ��
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ReplyDeleteThank you so much for inviting us so many times to walk along side you for a few steps in your unique journey! You are a constant inspiration, and beautiful testimony! I have been in a number of homes where you dear ones are a part of daily prayers, and even mealtime prayers. How wonderful... even when we are so many miles apart, we can still meet at the Throne! Love you dear ones! Keep looking up! We are almost Home! Big hugs and gobbs of love! Mary Sutherland. <3
ReplyDeleteOh, Rachel. Your honesty throughout this journey has enriched so may of us. The cloud of witnesses who walk with your family through this firey trial get to glean the fruit which has been the sweet produce of it. Our lives are made richer as we are ministered to by you and David as you continue to walk in faith. May our Lord continually encourage, strengthen, bless and sustain you, David, and your children.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being transparent. It is a breath of fresh air reading your posts. It's so easy to get caught up in thinking everyones life is great after being on social media, but we don't know the half of it. When we do hear something, its a breath of fresh air, not because we then are snapped back into reality and see that others have struggles going on, but because you can then be a true friend and sympathize with others more lovingly! Thanks Rachel. Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing this you all have a very special testimony! Melissa and I think of you and David often, it's such an encouragement to us to see you all rise above circumstances that are far from ideal! We will continue to pray for you and David! Clayton Jennings
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. The title of the movie is encouraging in itself. Hope the Lord will continue to bless you and lift you both up in His mighty arms God bless Justus
ReplyDeleteHi David and Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI have had you on my mind for the past few days. Late last week I met a couple in their mid-50s, Sidnei and Ruth. Sidnei came down with Parkinson's disease in his 20s and they have since lived a similar life as I imagine yours to be. Sidnei has trouble walking, talking, taking care of himself; many of the 'man of the house' duties have fallen on Ruth's shoulders over the years. They have raised several children. They love the Lord. They are gems of rare hue, as you two are.
Best wishes and much love,
Paul Froese