How I'm Doing

10/8/14 A lot of people ask how I'm doing...accompanied by a look that says they want more than just the, "Good, how are you?" When you go through something like this, it touches deep places in a soul that make it difficult to put into words what goes through my head and heart in a quick conversation. It's like I'm married to two different men in one body...the new David and the old David. I've found it almost impossible to grieve this loss that's an incomplete loss because life trundles on and if I don't want to miss the train, I better get on board. I love being married. I love having purpose and having the gift of loving my husband and daughter. I love being able to cook to my heart's content and spoil my husband's palate. I love being able to see God's healing handiwork in my husband's body in slow motion. I love being given the opportunity to research a medical topic to the wee hours of the morning just to see if I can find something more to give more quality of life to my husband. I love that I have been gifted with a supportive, loving, godly family on both sides. I struggle with bitterness and anger and deep hurt. I get overwhelmed emotionally by the mental toll this life takes. My brain shuts down and all I want to do is sleep or have absolute quiet. That's it. That's the convoluted, messy answer to how I am doing.
On a note about David, he is starting to step with his left leg!!! We are hitting the walking goal harder than anything else right now. We have a walking device at home that has a butterfly-shaped sling that goes in between his legs and attaches to the trunk support so if his legs buckle, there are no mishaps. ? He walks about 20 feet twice 6 days a week and then once or twice at PT. Please pray for David's mind to be stayed on Christ and to initiate healthy activities.