Rambling

Everybody who knows my dad, knows he rambles when he speaks.  David has gotten into the habit of asking my dad to ramble when he speaks at church meetings because he loves it. :)  Today, I'm going to walk in my dad's footsteps and ramble a bit.

We've been working on David's walking for over two years now.  You'd think things would have gotten better.  Well, they have to some degree...but that's just it, degrees, millimeters, micrometers...some minuscule measurement.  I've thought, "if only he could walk independently, at least with a walker..." so many times.  Maybe in another few years...But at least he's in a real walker now!  He needs help with his left leg, constant verbal cuing for everything and help keeping his walker straight, but...he's in a real walker! :)

This is him a couple weeks ago.

The PT also had him on the floor to work on floor recovery.  If you don't know what floor recovery is, it's when you teach someone how to get off the floor after they've fallen or somehow ended up on the floor.  David can't do this anywhere near independently but he surprised me how much he could do!

Lately, David has been involved in a job assessment.  He has been working at a local florist, finding out what he can and can't do.  He has amazed me at how tenacious he can be if he's motivated! :)  He is able to fold boxes for floral arrangements with one hand independently.  I couldn't believe how he was able to get the bottom woven together so it didn't need tape.   Last time, I was able to go with him and watch him.  He met a young man that works there who had a brain AVM (arteriovenous malformation) 10 years ago that caused him to become paralyzed on his left side.  He now walks around and uses his left arm.  I hope that he can encourage David.

David and I have been really struggling with some personal things.  I wonder what the Lord has in it.  We went to go see the movie War Room and were deeply encouraged and convicted.  I've felt so many times that we are in real spiritual warfare.  Our enemy is not our spouse or whoever else we have to relate to, it is Satan himself.  We have a caregiver who is involved in Wicca practices and has pentagon symbols all over her.  We need real discernment is this situation.  Do we try to continue to witness the Good News of salvation to her or let her go because we have a household that serves the Lord?  

Almost two weeks ago, I went to the moms group I go to sometimes.  At the end, we were asked to say what our dream vacation would be.  I was holding back tears because we never get to go on real vacations anymore.  Our honeymoon was the last time we went somewhere without vestiges of TBI life lurking in the shadows.  We always have help and we're never a family that isn't weighted down by disability barriers.  It's hard to dream with that reality in your head.  If we want to go anywhere, I have to do extensive planning beyond normal packing and picking hotels and destinations.  I have to make sure the restaurants, hotels, bathrooms, campsites, etc... are handicap accessible.  And even when I do call ahead and reserve a room with a roll-in shower, sometimes I can see them staring blankly across the phone lines because they have no idea what a roll-in shower is and why it would possibly be so important to have that...then I get there after they've assured me they do indeed have one, and it has been reserved to someone else so I have to figure out how to shower my husband without him falling because I don't have enough room in the "accessible" bathroom to transfer him correctly.  I have to make sure I've ordered supplies and medications in time before we leave but not too soon because it won't be authorized yet.  Then making sure I remembered everything that David needs just to spend one night.  If I forgot one item, it could be a disaster.  It's not the same as forgetting wipes or diapers for a baby.  You can just run to the next Wal-Mart and pick more up...not so with some of David's supplies.  If I forget, they don't just sell them at any drug store AND some of them require a prescription from a doctor.  

BUT, there's a thing called (well, some might call it stupidity or bravery)..but however you categorize it...we did something crazy this weekend.  I packed up everyone (David, me, the toddler and the baby) and headed up north for a long weekend and a wedding.  It was just us.  That hasn't ever happened before.  I was nervous but I've been hankering to get away.  Last year, I "dropped" (more like gently lost control) David last summer because the hotel bathroom we were in was less than ideal.  Thankfully, that time, I had help to get him off the floor.  This time, I just asked the Lord to please help me because I had no one if things went south.  Taking a vacation with two kids under the age of 2 and a husband that is dependent is scary and super time consuming.  I mentally prepared for just having loads of time.   I'm not a very good time manager and usually try to pack too many things into too little time but this time I knew that it was going to be a lot so I basically planned on things taking all day! It took 3-4 hours every morning to get everyone ready and packed to get out of the hotel. Crazy! No more 5 minute get-ready sessions like I used to in high school.  With a husband that has communication difficulties and needing help with every aspect of life and a two-year old running around trying to smother her sister and unroll toilet paper plus a nursing baby, it's quite the adventure, let me tell you.  But, the Lord gave us a beautiful autumn weekend and we enjoyed some waterfalls on the north shore in MN and a wedding of two godly people.  The kids slept and behaved well, in general, so, overall, it was the best I could have expected, and actually better.  David got to see some friends he hadn't seen in years.  I felt "whole" for the first time since David's accident.  We always have help.  We always have caregivers or family, which is great to have that help and support, but, it's amazing to feel like we are actually our own family unit for once.  This daily grind that we live can get so suffocating sometimes.  TBI consumes me.  This weekend freed me to some extent.  Even though it was there in the background, it wasn't screaming in my face for attention 24/7.   It felt like we were a semi-normal family for once, a family that went on a vacation.

Positive Words

Yes, I'm writing two posts today.

Because of David's brain injury, he struggles with major depression and anxiety over the way he is and the life he lives now.  It's a daily battle.  He has a very hard time coming up with something he did well that day or recognizing when he is successful.

Today he surprised me.  He just started back up with his Occupational Therapist for work on being more independent with ADL's (activities of daily living) after a break for a few months of hard work at home.  The therapist worked with him on donning and doffing a shirt.  He surprised her by taking off his shirt all by himself in less than a minute!  Then he was able to put on his shirt with just a little help from her.  When he came home, he told me, "Today was a good day because of two things.  I learned that I was able to put my shirt on and take it off all by myself!"  He's actually excited about working on this and visiting his therapist.  He finally realized he was successful with something and it made his day! Instead of telling his caregiver to do it, he reminded her that he could do it and he was going to do it by himself.  He didn't even get frustrated with himself when it took him 7 minutes to put his shirt on.  Yes!!

New Life

As many of you know, we welcomed another daughter into our family on July 30th a little before 1am.  She is perfect.  She sleeps a lot (in contrast to her older sister!) and is such a peaceful little presence in our home.  She's just what I need.  I was going through major baby fever last summer when my niece was born but I thought it an impossible thing, a gift that I shouldn't set my hopes on.  I didn't even take pregnancy tests because I didn't want to be disappointed.  I should've just been thankful that God gave us our first daughter without trying or knowing that she was being knitted together before David's accident.  But I longed for another baby, for some selfish reasons, but also so that our first daughter wouldn't be an only child.  David didn't remember my pregnancy or birth of our first daughter so I wanted him to experience this joy at least once.  God is so good!  One of the first things that the doctors told me that might not "work" was for David to have children after his accident, before I even knew he had a massive brain injury.  At that point I didn't care, I just wanted my husband alive.  Little did I know the dire news that would be delivered to me 3 years ago, the journey that lay ahead of us, or the gifts that God would grace us with along the way.

Well, here she is, our second miracle baby, born just a week shy of David's 3 year anniversary of his accident...a lovely reminder of life and hope.

ABI ARIANA HANSON

A Photojournalist View of Snippets of Our Day

A necklace destroyed by the one and only small one

Enjoying a new wildflower that has arrived in our neighborhood lately

This little miss is our sunshine

Because nosey cups, thickened liquids, meds and built up utensils are a daily occurrence 

For some reason she only wants to wear one of these shoes, not two, but one

Because dishes never end

Because caterpillars need to use the potty too

The favorite comfy spot for this guy

The countdown has begun and the littlest little will be arriving soon!

Answered Prayer

We have been having serious caregiving staffing issues.  We have not had any consistent new hires to fill open shifts in almost a year from two companies.  We now have contracts with two other companies to fill the rest of the hours...so we are working with four companies now! Crazy! One of the caregivers started a couple days ago and we really like her so far - smart, sweet and reliable! We will probably meet the other one next week (just two weeks before my due date!!).   Thank you for praying. God hears and answers at the right time.

You can also pray for a safe, healthy delivery of our baby girl in 3 weeks (or whenever she decides to make her grand arrival into this world). 😀

"Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?"

This is an age old question.  I don't know a person on this earth who hasn't asked this question out loud or at least thought it to themselves.  This question was posed this last week at a kids camp we were at.  It's an honest question and a lot of people don't have the answer to it.  It's a question that forces itself to the surface, especially when we're suffering and we can't find a "justifiable reason" for it.

Today is our third wedding anniversary.  It's a bittersweet day for me, although each anniversary is better than the last.  The first was celebrated by getting a get-out-of-jail-free card from the nursing home David was residing in and rolling him down the street to a coffee shop, giving him a couple sips of forbidden coffee (because of his swallowing precautions) and sitting in a tiny redwood park for a few minutes while we attempted to have a "conversation" by going through the alphabet and David giving a thumbs up a hundred times.  I had tried to make the day special by wearing the white dress I wore going away from our wedding...but it got soiled moments before we were going to go on our outing by our precious little 2-month old daughter!  Our second anniversary was spent celebrating David's ability to eat normal food and have a bit of a real verbal conversation by having dinner at Red Lobster.  Today we celebrate David's ability to initiate plans for the day without me having to orchestrate everything and the miracle of expecting another baby soon.  Our wedding day was a beautiful day of love and pure joy.  The memories of that day were nothing but good (except for it being 110 degrees and 3 people suffering heat strokes!!).  We pledged our love to each other for better or worse.  The "worse" came sooner than we'd have liked...seven weeks into our blissful life.

I'm learning to love a new man that God has given me.  I've had to learn to love a man that has problems that most people don't imagine having until they are well into their 80's.  I love a man that is becoming a man after God's own heart...David.

Why the suffering, why the emotional roller coaster of these last 3 years to two people that love God?  This is my answer:  Read the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.  They chose death and the curse by sinning against God and disobeying Him by eating the forbidden fruit.  So, in this single act, they ushered sin into this world.  We live in a fallen, accursed world full of suffering, pain, sadness, and discouragement.  But God, in His great mercy has provided an escape, a hope of eternal life.  Sending His only Son to die for us showed the world in one amazing act of love, that He had provided a way of redemption and salvation.  We, born in sin, doomed to death and destruction, have been given the option of eternal life through Christ Jesus.  What hope!

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes on His, will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

We may have suffering because of judgement from God because we are living unfaithfully or unrighteously but we also may be suffering for the glory of God.  Whatever the purpose, we can be sure that we can trust in a righteous and trustworthy God and that even though this life in the world may not always be rainbows and lollipops,  if we trust in Jesus as Lord and Savior, we have a hope that no suffering in this world can take away.

Hope

My humanness (is that even a word??) gets the best of me sometimes and my heavenly hope that things will be all better in eternity doesn't always satisfy the longing to have life be a bit better now on this earth.  I'm always researching, trying new things that might help David feel better, function better, live like a 31-year old husband and father should.  I saw a quote yesterday that sums up how I feel on most days, "What we need is more people who specialize in the impossible." --Theodore Roethke.  But we have God, and He is enough.  He does all things well.

But God works through people here and now on this earth.  We've been given a boost of hope by a few professionals lately after a dry season of lots of comments and actions that seemed to imply, "Be thankful for what you have but this is about as good as it gets. Live with it."  A series of bladder infections got David a referral to a urologist who has been very kind and has given some hope for improvement by external means to help his spasms.  A friend of David's posted an article about a man with a brain injury.  I bought his book on Kindle and started reading his story and learned about two fascinating doctors in Chicago area.  I decided to check their websites out and then call them to see how legit they were.  I called one of them today and got her on the phone... no receptionist, no annoying phone tree maze, no answering machine...the real deal!!  She was the coolest, most helpful person I've talked to in a long time that actually seemed interested in David improving more.

"Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." Romans 15:13